Seriously!?! Does friendship mean nothing to people now-a-days??

my heading should say it all..if you asked me to stay away from your husband and not talk to him I would respect you and do it......I wouldnt blatantly do it right in front of you when you asked me not to. Obviously friendship means nothing. I hate women. And right now I HATE men!! He has talked more to my friend today than he has talked to me..Oh fuckin well..Why should I fuckin bother anymore? I am just fuckin done

Oh what can I find wrong now

There are times when I wonder if I look for things to be wrong when they aren't. I had a decent day today (well yesterday). The kids were good for the most part but they were also sick because of their allergies. But that kinda worked to my advantage because they actually listen when they are sick. LOL. I know that sounds bad but hey, I will take what I can get right? Anyway, so hubby comes home from work I go get my birth control get home only to find him pretty much passed out on the fucking couch. Now thank god the kids didnt try to go up the stairs bc Julia could have fallen down them very easily. Moving on, so i tell him if he is gonna sleep to just fuckin go upstairs and that I will make dinner and all that other stuff before I was supposed to head out to starbucks with Crista. You know he actually said OK. I would have thought he would have said no maybe want to help me out being that he was going out tonight. NOPE! He slept till almost 6 then got up ate dinner and I had to leave. I was running really late. I dont think I got to Crista's until 6:20 when I was supposed to be there at 6. Anyway, I get home and he is cleaning the house. Which makes me very happy and I am thankful for one less thing that I had to do tonight after the kids went to bed. Get done with that. Get the kids in bed bc it is almost 9pm. And then he leaves to go out with his friends. I knew he was going out tonight. And that isnt the problem. The problem that I have is a week after my birthday I still got nothing.. No card. Really that is all I want. A card. Nothing special just a card that says happy birthday I love you. I like little things like that. And maybe it is because I am about to start my period but it actually hurts my feelings that he has yet to give me a card. He keeps saying he forgets. So do I take that as an insult because when he is in the BX looking at guns that are literally right next to the birthday cards that he remembers that but not me?? Cause I kinda do. Now I am just venting and to most people it is petty. But he is about to leave for 5 months. I have already figured it out that I am barely going to talk to him when he leaves. And that hurts too. We are going to be broke and barely talking. Great for a marriage for that is just staying afloat. I hate Alaska. It has done more harm than good for my marriage. This place is like a black hole in my life. It just sucks the life straight out of my marriage and out of me.

He will miss our 5 year anniversary. Of course. I can garauntee that I wont talk to him on our anniversary or wont even get a stupid card in the mail. UGH. Maybe I am just ungrateful. Or maybe I am worrying about things that I shouldnt worry about. But lately this stupid deployment and my marriage have been consuming my life. I feel like I cant breathe half the day. Most of my smiles and laughs are fake because I dont want people to worry about whats going on.

Guess I should head to bed. He will be home soon. I will continue with this some more tomorrow night.

It was YOU and ME against the world, YOU promised ME forever more

You know what is amazing to me? When people get married and promise through sickness and health, for better or worse, to love and cherish one another. Then the bad things happen, worse, sickness, poorer; those things happen. Its called life. They wouldnt be included in the vows if they wouldnt be a threat to your marriage. Marriage isnt easy. Its not meant to be. You learn to grow with the one you love. You dont leave when things get rough! You stick it out. You hang in there for the good bad ugly. You dont put a ring on someone's finger just to give up the first second or third time things get tough. You dont make a life with someone for 6 years just to walk away when you realize you miss being single. Seriously! That is not my problem. When WE (yes WE, I sure as shit didnt marry myself!) got married I meant all of those things. I meant it when I said I would be there through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, better or worse. Gosh, I didnt think it would be easy. And I surely had no intention to walk away at the first sign things got rough. If walking away is what you truely want then after marriage counseling, walk away. But just think that in the end its not just my life and your life you are destroying, its our two beautiful kid's lives that you are single handedly blowing to bits because you are a fool hearted man, a selfish man, an unhappy man who cant see the good through all the bad!
I have been struggling with this for the past 2 weeks. All you say is sorry, but you dont know what will make you happy. You know what? This isnt just about you. My heart has been more in this the past 6 years than yours has, and I am not sure what hurts most, the fact that I know that, or that I cant let go of someone who is pushing me away.
Just remember this, and I will say it again one day to you:
~It was U and ME against the world, and YOU promised ME FOREVER more!~
I am a honory woman who doesnt give in. I will not just hand you what you want. That would be extremely to easy for you and devastating for me. I will sit there in those marriage counseling classes with you and be honest. I do EXPECT the same thing from you. Dont sit there in lie to me to make yourself feel better.
I miss our love. I miss the way things were. The past. I miss cuddling in bed and waking up and watching you sleep. I would give ANYTHING to have that back again somehow. I will FIGHT tooth and nail for this to work. Fight until there is nothing left in me and my heart finally gives in to what your mouth is saying.

The day

That supposed "friends" stop fucking me over is the day that everything starts to go right. Here's the story:
So a friend knows that I am having some issues with my kids babysitter so she asks if I wanted her to watch the kids. I kicked around the idea for a while..A LONG WHILE. Then against my gut feeling said OKAY. We agreed on a price and she started monday. Watched the kids monday and tuesday, then yesterday said that her daughter was sick. Said the same thing about today. Now tomorrow is my last day at work and I have to be there. I told her this and she says fine. Now all of a sudden she cant watch them tomorrow. Fucking bitch. I am pissed.Because i have no one to watch the kids. UGH

I HATE WOMEN!!!

My baby girl

So this is Julia. She was born December 4th 2007. I still cant believe that she is now pushing 1 and walking and just full of personality. I have been blessed with two adorable happy healthy(as healthy as possible in Alaska) loving children. I cant thank God enough for what He has given me. He knew just when to send me these precious gifts to turn my life around. I am thankful every day for them. So here is miss Julia Alexis. The Polar Princess

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My little boy since birth

So this is my angel! His name is Anthony Jr. I only did the first year because I want to do his video in year segments. He is 2.5 years old now and I just can't believe what a little man he has become. I love this baby boy so much.

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