Oh what can I find wrong now

There are times when I wonder if I look for things to be wrong when they aren't. I had a decent day today (well yesterday). The kids were good for the most part but they were also sick because of their allergies. But that kinda worked to my advantage because they actually listen when they are sick. LOL. I know that sounds bad but hey, I will take what I can get right? Anyway, so hubby comes home from work I go get my birth control get home only to find him pretty much passed out on the fucking couch. Now thank god the kids didnt try to go up the stairs bc Julia could have fallen down them very easily. Moving on, so i tell him if he is gonna sleep to just fuckin go upstairs and that I will make dinner and all that other stuff before I was supposed to head out to starbucks with Crista. You know he actually said OK. I would have thought he would have said no maybe want to help me out being that he was going out tonight. NOPE! He slept till almost 6 then got up ate dinner and I had to leave. I was running really late. I dont think I got to Crista's until 6:20 when I was supposed to be there at 6. Anyway, I get home and he is cleaning the house. Which makes me very happy and I am thankful for one less thing that I had to do tonight after the kids went to bed. Get done with that. Get the kids in bed bc it is almost 9pm. And then he leaves to go out with his friends. I knew he was going out tonight. And that isnt the problem. The problem that I have is a week after my birthday I still got nothing.. No card. Really that is all I want. A card. Nothing special just a card that says happy birthday I love you. I like little things like that. And maybe it is because I am about to start my period but it actually hurts my feelings that he has yet to give me a card. He keeps saying he forgets. So do I take that as an insult because when he is in the BX looking at guns that are literally right next to the birthday cards that he remembers that but not me?? Cause I kinda do. Now I am just venting and to most people it is petty. But he is about to leave for 5 months. I have already figured it out that I am barely going to talk to him when he leaves. And that hurts too. We are going to be broke and barely talking. Great for a marriage for that is just staying afloat. I hate Alaska. It has done more harm than good for my marriage. This place is like a black hole in my life. It just sucks the life straight out of my marriage and out of me.

He will miss our 5 year anniversary. Of course. I can garauntee that I wont talk to him on our anniversary or wont even get a stupid card in the mail. UGH. Maybe I am just ungrateful. Or maybe I am worrying about things that I shouldnt worry about. But lately this stupid deployment and my marriage have been consuming my life. I feel like I cant breathe half the day. Most of my smiles and laughs are fake because I dont want people to worry about whats going on.

Guess I should head to bed. He will be home soon. I will continue with this some more tomorrow night.